Monday, June 13, 2011

Florida Drivers

After the serious tone of yesterday's blog post, I wanted to lighten the mood with some observations from Florida. It hasn't taken us long to realize that there are a lot of crazy drivers on the roads down here in the Sunshine State. In fact, Interstate 4 in Florida is the #3 most dangerous interstate in the country.

Driving the Florida highways can be very intimidating, but apparently "baptism by fire" is the best way to learn. My husband and I have driven I-4 a few times already, and the good news is that we've escaped without incident so far. That's not to say that we haven't seen some very close calls though.


Accidents are not laughing matters, but I think the *rules for driving in Florida are something to giggle about. Drivers in Florida almost make Denver drivers look like saints, and that is no easy feat folks! So here we go.

* Please keep in mind, these are not the actual traffic laws,
although one might think so, for driving here in Florida.

Rules for Driving in Florida:

1. Never ever, for whatever reason, use your turn signal. Other drivers will brake accordingly.

2. The posted speed limits are only suggestions. Most likely you should add 10 mph to the posted speed limit. Drive as fast as the weather, or your vehicle, will allow.

3. Feel free to cut off all other drivers when necessary. Your vehicle is always the most important car on the road. For example: cutting off other drivers is acceptable when you almost miss your exit, when you are attempting to pass a much slower vehicle, or just because you feel like it.

4. Tailgating is not reserved for sporting events! Remember that measly 2 second rule for following too closely? You can forget it! Tailgating while driving is perfectly acceptable if not encouraged. Remember, you are the most important vehicle on the road.

5. U-turns are a way of life. All of the other states are doing it wrong! Forget turning left at intersections with traffic lights or left turn arrows. In Florida, the left turn is possibly every and anywhere you need one. No joke.

6. Yellow lights are your signal to step on the gas pedal. Many people would say a yellow light signals you to slow down for the impending red light, but that could not be further from correct. Floridian drivers take that yellow light, and sometimes the red ones too, as a signal that a long wait lies ahead. (This rule is especially dangerous, so be sure to look both ways before proceeding at a green light.)

7. Merge lanes are meaningless. If a vehicle is merging into traffic, do not let them in front of you. If you are using a merge lane to enter traffic, be sure to force your way into the flow of traffic. Merging traffic is only a nuisance, so make sure to treat merging vehicles with utter disrespect.

8. Let nothing get in the way of your final destination! When traffic gets busy, make sure to continue in a forward motion at all times. Slower vehicles, traffic jams, and all other vehicles on the road are there to get in your way.

So there you have it. Those are some of the rules of the road we have learned from observing the traffic patterns around us. Hopefully you had a good laugh over some of them. Have you ever driven in Florida and noticed any of the above trends? Or do you have similar drivers in your neck of the woods?

Happy Monday, friends!


22 comments:

  1. All of those rules apply to the DC area too!

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  2. ahaha thats hilarious!!
    Ive always heard us Californians are awful drivers...but then when we moved to TX they were terrible beyond belief!!! Makes us look aweseome :)

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  3. How are you liking Florida? How's your hubby doing with the new airline?

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  4. OMG, Florida drivers are the worst.drivers.ever.

    Combine sports-car drivers trying to show off by weaving in and out of traffic with the elderly taking up the slow lane going 40mph on the highway. Disaster. Roll over accidents were a daily sight when we lived there.

    Stay safe out there. Hopefully the beach is just a quick stroll from your new place. No driving involved!

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  5. Ha! This sounds a lot like the rules for driving in California. Just add "Never yield for anyone ever" and you're good to go. :)

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  6. Funny! That sounds like Tx drivers!

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  7. how funny! I think it is so crazy down there because there are so many tourists and vacationers who feel like they NEED to get to their destination YESTERDAY!

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  8. I visited Florida a few weeks ago... you hit this right on the nose!!

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  9. HAHAHA are you sure you're not writing this about Massachusetts? All of these rules apply here too!

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  10. Bahahaha love this!

    Seriously though, about the tailgating thing - after work today, I drove into town to pick up my prescription, and there was 18 wheeler tailgating the bejebus out everyone he followed if they didn't get out of his way. So scary. Almost thought he was going to push one van right out of his way...

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  11. You are so right Ashley! Driving in Florida is a free for all! Honestly, once you're there for a while you'll learn that you're going to have to drive that way too. It's the only way to survive! Lol! I lived in Florida for 4 years, once I moved to Maryland and realized that people here aren't as aggressive when driving like in Florida, I had a hard time adjusting. I'd become this crazy evil driver while in Florida. It truly was a survival of the fittest situation. Lol!

    Now Maryland isn't so bad but drive 20 minutes down the street in D.C., people will literally run you off of the road! No rules. They don't care. And then will stop their car and look at you like you're crazy. There are a lot of psycho drivers out here in the world!

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  12. I lived in Orlando for awhile and taking I-4 to work was horrible! I gave up and ended up taking back roads to work just so I wouldn't have to drive on 4!

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  13. Hahaha...as a Floridian, I just laughed all the way through this because it is sadly true. If you are a courteous driver, there are people honking at you for letting someone out of the merge lane. You'll probably find yourself picking up some of these bad habits so you don't feel like you'll get run off the road...it's rather ridiculous! I'm not a fan of the traffic that's for sure. I've lived here my whole life and loathe I-4. If you get onto back roads it's not nearly as bad.

    Welcome to Florida!! What part of the state are you in? I'm in Orlando.

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  14. These are great!! My aunt actaully just moved to FL last week (from here in MN) and I'm so printing these off and sending to her! Love this kind of stuff!!

    Happy Tuesday Dear! xo

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  15. HA!! These are definitely the rules of the road in Texas! Too funny.

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  16. Floridians are the worst drivers. I will admit it! But the one thing I hate the most is when people don't turn on their turning signal. Like...it makes me curse under my breath! Did you drive down on I95? I dont think you did...but be thankful you didnt. It's like a NASCAR track.

    xoxo

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  17. Oh wow haha that is crazy and what is even crazier is that I am on a business trip in Orlando right NOW and I am from Colorado...an hour north of Denver! I would prefer the Denver drivers haha.

    www.sloanbook.com

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  18. This is hilarious, Ashley!!! Cracked me right up. :)

    Hope you have a wonderful evening, my friend!

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  19. Sadly, this sounds kinda like how I drive! Haha! Don't hate me! : )

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  20. HaHa!! Denver drives are scary, huh? Sounds like FL might be worse! Be careful!!! =0)

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  21. i apparently wasn't following your blog when you posted this, because i'm just finding it. this post is hilarious, and so so true!!!!

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  22. My wife and I moved from the Philly area
    to Florida 6 months ago and yes there's a whole lot of stupid on the roads down here. Unf#cking believable!

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